Why it matters
This plan needs a level of buy-in from the family, and I'd rather be honest about that up front.
Going pro in a sport is incredibly difficult. It takes a lot of discipline and some funding. I won't ask a family to pay for blood tests, DEXA scans, physios, a strength coach and an ongoing dietitian and then see their child decide two weeks later that they don't want to do it. That's why there are two levels: eight weeks of Show Me You Mean It first, then Pro.
Here's how I think about the three of us:
- The coach is the GPS. I've been on this road before and can help your child through unfamiliar, sometimes rough terrain. But a coach can't fight for a fighter. If I can't convince an athlete of my recommendation, that's up to the athlete.
- The parent is the passenger. You keep them company on a long journey, help with the tricky roads, make a long drive more enjoyable, and handle the logistics (lifts, food, money, bookings) so the driver can focus on driving.
- The athlete is the driver. They take advice from the GPS and the passenger, then decide where to go.
That's why the eight weeks are on them, without you or me chasing them. It has to come from them first. If they show us both they mean it, then we invest.
The standard
What the plan needs from you
- Let the eight weeks be theirs. Please don't chase them every night.
- Tell me honestly what you see at home, especially sleep.
- Support the volume: adults classes and open mats, at least twice a week on top of juniors.
- Cover the basics: about $20 for an alarm clock and $20 for a book.
- Read Mindset by Carol Dweck yourself. Audiobook is fine.
- No weight cutting under 18. No amount.
- At least nine hours of study a week stays in the schedule.
If the family can't support the basics right now, that's okay. If training more than twice a week isn't possible, or the alarm clock and book aren't, calling this an elite plan would set your child up to fall short. We can do something lighter and call it what it is. Compromises are very possible: "we can't do weeknights, but we can do a weekend session" is a conversation I'm happy to have. What we need is a week that actually works.
How to do it
Agree the training volume
The average person who comes to me trains about three times a week. A true professional trains at least four, and for Worlds, every day, as many sessions as they can.
For teens, juniors classes alone won't get them there. Twice a week in juniors can make a great athlete physically, but probably not a world champion at Jiu-Jitsu. They need the adults classes (the advanced classes, or fundamentals if there's no advanced) and the open mats, at least twice a week.
The hard part for most families is lining that up with sleep and diet. Sit down with your child and build the week on paper: Schedule & Study has a planner and an example week. The full volume guide is in Focused Training.
Plan the costs
The Show Me You Mean It plan is deliberately cheap. The demanding part is the discipline, and that's free.
| Item | About | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Dietitian consult | $150, up to $300 | One consult for a rough guide to daily macros. See Diet. |
| Heart rate monitor | $30 | Zone 2 runs. See Strength & Conditioning. |
| Phone tripod | $15 | Recording and reviewing rounds. See Technical Empowerment. |
| Alarm clock | $20 | So the phone can sleep in another room. See Sleep. |
| A book | $20 | Mindset first. Or free from the library. See Mindset. |
| Flip phone | $100 | Only if the smartphone is the problem. See the next step. |
Pro is a different level: DEXA, bloods, an ongoing dietitian, a professional strength coach, physio every second week, a sports psychologist, paid instructionals and more travel. As a rough guide, that's about $1,350 to $1,650 to set up and about $1,050 to $1,500 a month, before training fees and travel. Those are estimates, not quotes: prices vary by provider, so do your own research and get quotes before deciding what suits your family. The breakdown is in Going Pro. We only go there after eight good weeks.
Have the phone conversation
No phone in the first hour and the last hour of the day is part of the plan (see Sleep). Usually the real issue is that you want to be able to contact your child, which is completely fair.
A basic flip phone costs about $100. They don't need Google Maps or Snapchat first thing in the morning. If they genuinely need to call you 30 minutes after waking, now they have a phone that does exactly that and nothing else, so it doesn't affect their sleep.
Agree together
Sit down and decide
- What contact do you need with them, and when? (Before school, after training, emergencies.)
- What device covers that: the flip phone, or the smartphone with a lock app?
- Where does the phone charge at night? (Not the bedroom.)
- What time does it go away, and what time can it come back?
Whatever you're comfortable with, that's what they get. Then tell me, so I know the agreement too.
Read Mindset too
I start nearly every athlete on Mindset by Carol Dweck. It's the must-read, for parents and athletes both. The audiobook is fine.
Your child will hear plenty of fixed-mindset talk: "How could you lose to that kid? The only thing that matters is winning." If the voice at home is the growth one ("What did you try? What did you learn?"), they've got something to hold onto. Reading it yourself gives you both the same language for wins and losses.
Keep weight cutting off the table
I don't let any athlete under 18 cut weight. No amount. At the very most I've let around 300 grams go, which really just means "eat a bit cleaner this week".
Sports nutrition for growing athletes is a specialist field, which is why weight questions go to a dietitian. Many of us grew up hearing "just eat less". A growing athlete needs the opposite, and cutting is an unhealthy habit to build in a teenager.
A teenager's whole goal is to grow: taller, bigger, stronger, more muscle. I'd almost always rather they were in a caloric surplus, gaining weight and muscle and training hard, than cutting seven kilos at 13 to drop two weight classes and win one tournament. Please don't encourage it, even when they ask. If weight is a question, it goes to a dietitian (see Diet).
Protect the study
Education is still very important, and nobody is giving up school for Jiu-Jitsu. The plan requires at least nine hours of study blocked into every week, and tutoring counts. Ask to see the weekly schedule. If training goes up and the study doesn't fit, we change the schedule, not the study. Schedule & Study shows how it fits: library after school, recess and lunch, a Saturday block. If you want more study than that, we adjust the sessions together.
Support, don't pressure
Support looks like
- Lifts, food in the house that fits the plan, and a quiet bedroom.
- Asking "What did you try today? What did you learn?"
- After a loss: "We try, we learn. I'm proud of how you went for it."
- Letting the coach coach, from the stands.
- Telling me honestly what you see at home.
- Reading the book, and keeping your own phone off at dinner too.
Pressure looks like
- Coaching from the side of the mat during a match.
- "How could you lose to that kid?"
- Comparing them with their friends or teammates.
- Setting their goals for them.
- Rewards for medals. Prizes for winning take the drive away from the thing itself.
- Chasing them every night to do the habits. The eight weeks are theirs.
Competition days are emotional for parents too. Keep it short and positive, win or lose, and if something on the day bothers you, raise it with me later rather than in front of your child. Comp day guidance is in Competition Day.
Tell me what you see
I'll ask your child: "How was your sleep? How's the book?" If they didn't sleep, they sit out and watch. That's to protect them, not to punish them. If they haven't read in two weeks, I won't be upset and I won't chase them. They're their goals, and I won't fight them if they're not taking them seriously yet.
Sometimes I'll ask you too. If they're not sleeping, please tell me. I'll tell them calmly and directly: "I'm not seeing it yet. We'll stay at this level until you're ready, and I'll be here when you are." That's how they learn the plan is real.
Common mistakes
- Chasing them every night. The eight weeks are theirs. Tell me what you see instead.
- Juniors classes only. Add adults classes and open mats, at least twice a week.
- "Just eat less." Teens should be growing. Weight questions go to a dietitian.
- Coaching from the side of the mat. Let the coach coach. Cheer from the stands.
- Rewards for medals. Praise the effort and what they tried.
- Comparing them with friends or teammates. Compare them with their own last block.
- Raising a problem in front of your child on comp day. Bring it to me later.
Checklist
For parents