Mindset

How to do it

Read every night

Books are a requirement for any serious athlete. They develop how you see things and how you work on the inside. Ten minutes a night is a small commitment, and it fills the time you free up by keeping the phone out of your first and last hour (see Sleep). If reading is hard for you, go slower or use the audiobook. Ten minutes still counts.

Follow the book ladder

In this order. That's several months of reading.

1. Book 1Mindset, Carol Dweck. The must-read for every athlete I coach, and for parents. Audiobook is fine. Finish it, then tell me what stuck with you.
2. Book 2The Obstacle Is the Way, Ryan Holiday, or Atomic Habits, James Clear. The first fires you up and gives you a framework for challenging yourself. The second shows you how to build the routines in this guide and make them stick. Read one, then the other.
3. Book 3Ego Is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday. Harder and more abstract. It makes you face your own biases, which is why Mindset then Ego Is the Enemy is the most important order.
4. Book 4Stillness Is the Key, Ryan Holiday. Calm, focus and being present. Pairs well with Competition Day.
5. ThenAnything by Ryan Holiday. Ask me for more when you're done.

Write with intent

Your nightly reading is the input. The weekly reflection is where you work through it: once a week, twice at most, about 20 to 30 minutes, on one prompt or on what you read or watched. Most athletes would rather read, because writing is harder. That's why it works. Keep it reflective (fear, losing, blame, identity, goals); technique goes in your short training log after each session. What you write is yours; I won't read it, so be completely honest. The prompts and the video exercise are in the Journal.

We try, we learn

To get better at any skill there are only two actions: try, and learn. That's the root of everything I coach. There is no "do", only "try". A "do" only exists looking backwards. What you control, every round, is the try.

You will be surrounded by fixed-mindset voices, often from people who mean well:

• "You're losing your reputation."
• "How could you lose to that guy?"
• "You didn't try. You have to try your best."
• "The only thing that matters is winning."

Have your answers ready, out loud or in your head:

• "I tried something new. Now I know what doesn't work yet."
• "A win only proves I won that day, against those opponents. It doesn't guarantee tomorrow."
• "I'm measuring myself against my own best, not a medal."
• "The work changed me whether I won or not."

Let go of the outcome

To win, you must do your best. That doesn't guarantee victory. It guarantees peace, free of regret. Some things you control and some you don't. Worrying about a car crash on the way to a comp does nothing for your performance. It only takes energy away from what you can control.

Losing hurts. Not because it says anything about your worth (no external event can measure that), but because you didn't get what you wanted. Feel it. Then go back to the "I control" list.

Expect the hard weeks

In a hard camp it's common to feel emotionally overwhelmed, sore and flat, even when you love the sport and you're doing everything right. Greg Souders calls it "sad boy, angry boy". That's normal, and it passes. It doesn't mean you're weak and it doesn't mean the plan is wrong. It's when insecurity kicks in, and the next two tools are how you get through it.

Catch the blame pattern

Under pressure (a losing decision, brutal training, nerves before a big comp) almost every athlete blames something outside themselves before looking inward. The ego doesn't want you to be the problem. In month two of most camps, a lot of us end up thinking one of these:

• "This School isn't good enough."
• "I need better training partners."
• "Your program isn't working."
• "I'm not getting better."
• "I'm never going to win Worlds."

It's either self-deprecating or externally deprecating, but something is getting deprecated. Wanting to change Schools in the middle of a block is usually the same pattern. When you hear yourself say one of these, use the next tool.

Sleep on tired thoughts

When you're upset and in pain, remind yourself: this is the suffering the goal requires. It's normal and it's okay. Thoughts like "I'm not good enough" or "my partners aren't good enough" usually aren't true. You're just exhausted. The less aware you are of this, the easier it is to spiral. Let it build for two weeks and you walk into class and blow up at your coach: "You don't care about me, this School isn't good enough, I'm never coming back." That's when real problems start.

Put the phone down

Less phone means more time as a human being, feeling your feelings. That's uncomfortable, and that's the point: dealing with discomfort is part of mindset. It shows on competition day more than anywhere (see Competition Day). If you won't put your phone down to get better at Jiu-Jitsu, even if you don't think it matters, I'm not the right coach for you. I'm telling you it will make you better.

Use our tools

On top of the books, read our mindset site: mindset.bjjau.com, Already Dead: a mindset for the world-level competitor. We Try. We Learn. It puts my philosophy alongside Carol Dweck, Ryan Holiday, James Clear and Musashi. It has poems to read before training or competing, two debrief questions for after every session and every loss, a slow breathing tool (in for four seconds, out for six), a daily meditation practice, a pre-match routine, and the daily habits that hold it together.